I feel lately that I am living in a black hole. Nothing makes me happy, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING at all and I would rather be left alone to stare at the four walls. We are in the process of selling our house... so trying to keep it neat and clean at all times seems impossible especially since I can't muster up the energy to want to clean. Lately one of the little ones I babysit finds a need to color everything in site. My walls, floors and even the glass on the wall unit. I can't leave the room for a second without her getting into trouble. I have been researching school possibilities for my son (we are moving to FLorida next summer) and the area we want to live in does not have any appealing high school with good stats.
The kids are fresh, the finances are keeping me awake at night and I feel super guilty for even feeling the way I do. It just seems like things will never get better. I just want tot cry all the time. The icing on the cake was yesterday. I asked my kids to help me straighten up afterschool because we had people coming to look at the house. They instantly gave me the rolling of the eyes and the huffs and puffs. I asked the 10 year old boy I babysit to keep an eye on his 2 year old sister (the mad crayon artist) and the other 3 year old I babysit so I can straighten up for a few minutes. It took about 2 minutes before my name was being called to say JENNNN there is a spill on the floor. PURPLE V8 JUICE ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR!! Just what I needed to do...wash the floors right before these people come to look at the house. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, flip the kitchen table and throw all the chairs. But I didn't...because then I would have to clean some more!!!! It took all restraint for me not to open the floodgate of tears that were welling up. Lately I HATE MY LIFE....When the hell will it get better? Just needed to vent uuuuggghhhh